Post by TO64 on Dec 30, 2006 15:24:27 GMT 10
If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!
PARENT - Job Description
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties
also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs
$5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack
mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical
challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen
phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have
ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must
be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and
product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must
always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial
work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly
retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they
turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When
you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and
free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
PARENT - Job Description
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties
also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs
$5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack
mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical
challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen
phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have
ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must
be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and
product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must
always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial
work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly
retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they
turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When
you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and
free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
